MORE OF WHAT I’VE BEEN READING!

In this installment of reviews of what I’ve been reading but don’t actually review anything only to ramble on about funky comic book related topics, I talk about my inner demons and briefly criticize an industry legend.

JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA #7-8 (DC COMICS 2006)

Instead of a back issue, let’s start with my take on a new comic book that I read. It might be best to hide ANY comic book you have when a pretty girl is near you better hide this one most of all. It doesn’t get geekier than some JSA. The Justice Society is geekier than the Justice League. The JLA features all the recognizable superstars and is acceptable for the casual reader. With the Society, there is back story dating back to the golden age and if you picked this one up you probably have a fair understanding of it. You know about the Crisis, why there is an old guy Flash and how come Green Lantern has blonde hair and a funny cape. You even know that Solomon Grundy was born on Monday! This knowledge is proof you spend a lot of time in fantasy land with people in leotards and that aint sexy. After reading this I felt like a smack addict getting his oh so good fix, but then feeling dirty having to hide my problem from the world because normal people like that cute chick at the Applebee’s take out who was sweet enough to remember give me extra ketchup just couldn’t understand. I need my golden age heroes from the old multiverse!

I’m sorry people. I still haven’t made peace with my nerdosity yet. 

What happens in those two issues I'm supposedly reviewing? There's a new Commander Steel spinoff called Citizen Steel in #7, and #8 was about Liberty Belle's life growing up as Johnny Quick's daughter and they were pretty good single issue reads. I'm sorry for not elaborating, I just liked the Applebees anecdote.

Let’s continue…

SAGA OF THE SWAMP THING #21 (DC COMICS 1984)

I only have a few issues of Swamp Thing but he was once one of my favorite superheroes. Somehow I randomly picked one of his most important comics blindly buying back issues (on the cheap of course) in middle school after seeing Wes Craven’s film adaptation. They played it on HBO a million times back in the day and I loved it. That low budget classic introduced me to the mossy protector of the Everglades. Saga of the Swamp Thing #21 is worth about $30 today making it one of my most valuable comics (although try actually selling one, you‘d probably only get a buck for it!). After owning it for over 15 years, I finally read it instead of looking at the pictures trying to draw a cool looking Swampy.

Wow this sucked. This is the one where Alan Moore changed Swamp Thing origin and find out he isn’t really Alec Holland. He’s a plant that just engulfed his consciousness. WHAT?!?!

I knew this issue was going to suck because when I found out it was worth more than my other comics I read about the story before I read the story to find out why. Everyone rides Alan Moore’s jock and justifiably so, (The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was an awesome movie!) (just kidding!) (no I’m not, I actually loved it you elitist pricks!!) but this is awful and it completely ruins the character of Swamp Thing for me. What do you mean he’s not a sad scientist trapped in a plant body anymore? Why do I care now? I don’t. I read all about his character history on Wikipedia. None of the stories make any sense to me. They sound like freaky acid trips.

Alan Moore’s legacy is for writing masterpieces like Watchmen, V for Vendetta, and The Killing Joke, (although I never read them) but to me he’s the guy who ruined Swamp Thing. I’m searching out Swamp Thing’s earlier comics before this wacky elemental hippy crap happened because I want to see a lonely superhero vegetable beat up some creepy swamp monsters.

Now for something a little more my speed…

ARCHIE DIGEST

You’ve seen these before on sale at the supermarket checkout lane. All you Neil Gaiman, Frank Miller, and Alan Moore fans out there probably wouldn’t touch one of these reprint books full of the wholesome teenage hijacks of Archie and pals with a ten foot pole, but you Gloomy Gus’ are missing out.

I prefer to read these in the bathroom myself. There’s like a hundred stories in each digest. Perfect to read for a quick pit stop to the lavatory and plenty of stories if your going to be in there a while after eating too much Taco Bell.

The stories are a bit cheesy but Archie is an ok dude, Betty and Veronica are hot, and Jughead is the man. If you don’t find amusement in their goofy misadventures I’m sorry because you’re too cool for me and YOUR HEART IS BLACK!

AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #178-179, 181 (MARVEL 1977)

These are some of my older brother’s old comics from the late 70’s. Yeah, there’s an issue missing too. Green Goblin is tearing up the city, but who is under the mask because he also has Harry Osborne tied up in a warehouse? That is revealed in #180. I have #181, and that’s a whole new story. I could have bought #180 to find out what happened but I won’t spend $10 to read a single comic book so I had to look it up online. Turns out it was Harry’s psychiatrist who learned all about the art of Green Goblining from his therapy sessions and thought he‘d try to take over NYC.

EC COMICS REPRINTS

I don’t have to tell you these treasures from the 1950’s are great. Back in the early 90’s Gladstone used to sell reprints of these puppies. I only had a couple in my collection and came across them again on my bi-weekly back issue shopping (it used to be weekly but the read pile is getting too tall and I have to catch up). I bought a stack of 10 issues of EC reprints consisting of some Tales from the Crypt, Weird Science Fantasy, Vault of Horror, and The Haunt of Fear. There are 64 pages and eight stories in each double sized comic. I personally like Weird Science Fantasy the best for it’s for the sci-fi slant on EC style stories.

EC stories you know are lurid tales that have surprise shocking twist endings, sporting some of the best art in all of comics. Damn these things can be repetitive though.

It’s the same story over and over. Someone screws over someone, and somehow they die an ironic grisly death because of it. The sci-fi ones usually revolve around space explorers discovering some horrible truth like the end of Planet of The Apes. As much as I love those stories, don’t buy a whole stack like I did. You will be burned out by them. I only read five issues out of the pile so far and that’s 40 stories! They’re not quick reads either. Each short six or seven page story is stuffed with captions and dialogue. I suggest reading only one of these issues a month to keep things fresh or break them out on creepy scary cool days like Halloween, nights when it thunderstorms, or Easter.

SPAWN #12-13 (IMAGE COMICS 1993)

I never read a Spawn comic before this. I try and sample a little of everything (except for Vertigo comics because they look boring and ugly) so I thought I’d give him a try. The Spawn toys look sort of cool. Saw the movie. It was okay. I saw an episode of the cartoon once on HBO and it was okay. These two issues they were okay. I was hoping to get hooked on a new superhero but Spawn’s only okay.

IN CONCLUSION

After I read a good mag like a JSA, I wish there was someone else I could talk to about it like if I’ve just seen a good movie because everybody likes movies, but there’s nobody else in my life shares my hobby. As much as that sort of sucks, comic books are my “thing” which is kind of cool too. I don’t have anybody around to ruin them for me. I used to like Pink Floyd but a friend of mine told me how he listened to The Wall over and over again when his girlfriend dumped him back in high school and they haven’t been as cool for me since.

Until I see someone light candles every year in some freaky shrine honoring all those who have fallen in the Crisis of/on (whatever) Infinite Earths I’m going to keep on reading… Buh Bye!

- Mike